Jokes Collected From Emails

> >Ah Beng went to take night courses with the reasoning in future can get > >promotion or better job. > > > >During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge. > > > >Ah Beng : Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months > >already, > >next week is the exam. > >Ah Seng : Oh... Good luck ah. > > > >Then Ah Beng started show off... > > > >Ah Beng : Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell? > >Ah Seng : Don't know > >Ah Beng : He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take > >night courses, you would know this. > >Ah Seng : ........................ *speechless* > > > > > > > >The next day, Ah Beng shows off again... > > > >Ah Beng : Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau? > >Ah Seng : Wash your toilet one ah? > >Ah Beng : No! He's the author of "Confessions...

Jokes are collected from emails. By no means i'm an author of any jokes posted here. anybody can claim rights to the jokes if they can prove they wrote in the first place and i will rightfully put their names and contact address below the jokes they have proven that they wrote. otherwise, i'll take it as the jokes are from anonymous ppl. if any one finds any jokes offensive, please do not read them. or better yet.. do not come here. :D cheers

> >> Bill Clinton started jogging near his > >>new home in Chappaqua. > >> > >>But on each run he happened to jog > >>past a hooker standing on the same > >>street corner, day after day. > >> > >>With some apprehension he would brace > >>himself as he approached her for what > >>was most certainly to follow. > >> > >>"Fifty dollars!" she would cry > >>out from the curb. > >> > >>"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton . > >> > >>This ritual between Bill and the > >>hooker continued for days. > >> > >> > >>He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" > >>And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!" > >> > >>One day however, Hillary decided that she > >>wanted to accompany her husband on his jog! > >> > >...

A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. Ahmed asks, "We realize its tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together." "Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately." "So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?" "No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam." "Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?" "Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Allahu Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!" "What about different positions?" asks the man. "Allahu Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah. "Woman on top?...

Lesson One An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth ...

Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone. Signed, Your EX-Husband P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life! ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- Dear Ex-Husband: Nothing has made my...

> A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he > came upon a small house. > He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient > Chinese man with a long > grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put > me up for the night?" > > "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one > condition. If you so much as > lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you > the three worst Chinese > tortures known to man." > > "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must > be pretty old as well, > and entered the house. > > Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. > She was young, beautiful, > and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously > attracted to the young man > since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the > meal. Remembering the > old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed > alone. But during he > night, h...

Lufthansa Airlines Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean". The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane. After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away f...