Jokes Collected From Emails

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door, wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.... Here's how it all went. My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask

If necessity is the mother of invention, then frustration is the father of masturbation! Always marry a woman with small palms. It makes your dick look bigger! Life without friends is like boobs without nipples... POINTLESS! The importance of UNITY explained at it's best: What did one leg of a woman tell the other: UNITED we are save, Divided we are fucked. Slogan on a boy's T-shirt: Please tell your boobs not to stare at my eyes. Fuck a girl & she'll love you... Love a girl & she'll fuck you! All those who proclaim that dog is man's best friend, have evidently not played with a pussy. The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet she's still got you by the balls

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.' The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?' The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me...... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.' The little white Irishman says: 'Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!

A Chinese man decides to retire and move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai . He bought a small piece of land near Mt Isa. A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day. The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, ...pause...., and then put his head next to the bull's bum. The Aus

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability-The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5.Law of the Alibi- If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6.Variation Law- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs.20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. “Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell the

Do you know why New Changi Hospital (NCH) changed its name to Changi General Hospital (CGH)? Because NCH stands for 'Never Come Home. That's why business was very bad before it changed its name. Now CGH stands for 'Can Go Home'. So business is picking up. Business in Singapore General Hospital (SGH) is still going strong because SGH stands for 'Sure Go Home'! Now National University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a name change. It stands for 'No Use Hospital'! What about Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). Not too good a name, no wonder so much problem. It stands for ’Tiam Tiam Si Hospital' (Always Die or Die Quietly). So, be careful of choosing which hospital to go if anyone is unwell.