Airline Humour

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this
announcement from the
captain:"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform
you that we have
lost
power to all of our engines and will shortly crash
into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this
situation but
were somewhat comforted by the captain's next
announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared
for such an
emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your
seating so that
all
the
non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all
the swimmers are
on the right side of the plane.

After this announcement all the passengers rearranged
their seating to
comply with the captain's request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in
the ocean. The
captain once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean.
All of the
swimmers on the right side of the plane open your
emergency exits and
quickly
swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of
plane... -Thank You for
Flying Lufthansa- ".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Delta Airlines

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for
the boarding
announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the
public address
system saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight
570 will board
from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over
to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us
that Flight 570
would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we
gathered our
carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address
voice spoke "Thank
You for participating in Delta's physical fitness
program."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

British Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my
crew I'd like to
welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New
York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet
midway across the
Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side
of the aircraft,
you will observe that both the starboard engines are
on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you
will observe that
the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will
see a little
yellow life raft with three people in it waving at
you. That's me your
captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air
stewardesses. This is a
recorded
message."

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