9 more stories of ah lian and ah beng
>Story 1
>Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,
boh?
>Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got
up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
>
>Story 2
>Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to
show
it to her.
>So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to
his
girlfriend.
>"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
>Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
>"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
>Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
>So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
>accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into
>the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah
>Piang eh!"
screamed
Ah Beng.
>"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
>
>Story 3
>The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the
>captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy
waters
to make room for women and children.
>To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped. To
>the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied. To the
>Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed. To the Japanese he
>said," It's the consensus." They obliged. Then came the Singaporean and
>they just weren't budging until he came
up
>with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
>
>Story 4
>3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to
collect underwear.
>The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
>Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
>Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
>Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
>Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
>Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
>Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
>Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
>Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
>Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
>Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
>Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
>Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
>
>Story 5
>Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted
the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng
buys bread).The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told
them to
re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a
big
fuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene
in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs,
manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song "Unchained
Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
>
>Story 6
>One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to
get
down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see
the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they
not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the the
letter G meant. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G"
button. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian
was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know
one?" The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
>
>Story 7
>Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided
to
>apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm". During
the
interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume,
>thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your
application with my wife."
>And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's
wife
said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with 'Lee' only?
>Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!" So Lee KY told the bad news to
Santa Singh about his rejection.
>Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request
for
another interview and
>Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire...
'
when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.' Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked,
"What is your new name then?" On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname
Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Li)
>
>Story 8
>A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a
sign
saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local guy pulled in, filled
his
tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a
number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The
number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same guy,
along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his
free sex.The proprietor again gave him the same story and ask him to
guess the correct number. The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the
proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this
time." As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."His friend
replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!"
>Story 9
>One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and
Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter. After about one hour traveling, the
American took out his Cigarette (Dunhill) lighted it up and start
smoking after two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette.The other
three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up the
cigarette before throwing?" He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of
cigarette in my country". Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle
of branded perfume and applied it and the rest he throw out of the
window. The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked,
"Why did you throw away the
>perfume?" The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my
country".
The Singaporean did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi
out of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did
you push him?" The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of
Bangladeshi in my country!".
>Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,
boh?
>Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got
up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
>
>Story 2
>Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to
show
it to her.
>So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to
his
girlfriend.
>"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
>Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
>"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
>Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
>So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
>accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into
>the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah
>Piang eh!"
screamed
Ah Beng.
>"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
>
>Story 3
>The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the
>captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy
waters
to make room for women and children.
>To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped. To
>the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied. To the
>Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed. To the Japanese he
>said," It's the consensus." They obliged. Then came the Singaporean and
>they just weren't budging until he came
up
>with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
>
>Story 4
>3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to
collect underwear.
>The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
>Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
>Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
>Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
>Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
>Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
>Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
>Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
>Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
>Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
>Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
>Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
>Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
>
>Story 5
>Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted
the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng
buys bread).The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told
them to
re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a
big
fuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene
in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs,
manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song "Unchained
Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
>
>Story 6
>One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to
get
down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see
the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they
not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the the
letter G meant. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G"
button. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian
was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know
one?" The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
>
>Story 7
>Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided
to
>apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm". During
the
interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume,
>thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your
application with my wife."
>And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's
wife
said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with 'Lee' only?
>Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!" So Lee KY told the bad news to
Santa Singh about his rejection.
>Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request
for
another interview and
>Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire...
'
when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.' Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked,
"What is your new name then?" On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname
Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Li)
>
>Story 8
>A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a
sign
saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local guy pulled in, filled
his
tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a
number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The
number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same guy,
along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his
free sex.The proprietor again gave him the same story and ask him to
guess the correct number. The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the
proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this
time." As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."His friend
replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!"
>Story 9
>One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and
Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter. After about one hour traveling, the
American took out his Cigarette (Dunhill) lighted it up and start
smoking after two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette.The other
three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up the
cigarette before throwing?" He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of
cigarette in my country". Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle
of branded perfume and applied it and the rest he throw out of the
window. The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked,
"Why did you throw away the
>perfume?" The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my
country".
The Singaporean did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi
out of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did
you push him?" The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of
Bangladeshi in my country!".
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