Asking for a Raise

> Dear Management:
>
> I, The Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
>
> I do physical labor.
> I work at great depths.
> I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
> I do not get weekends or holidays off.
> I work in a damp environment.
> I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
> I work in high temperatures.
> My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> The Penis
>
>
> ============================================================================
> ========
>
>
> Dear Mr. Penis:
>
> After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
> raised,
> the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
>
> You do not work eight hours straight.
> You fall asleep after brief work periods.
> You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
> You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
> locations.
> You do not take initiative.
> You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
> You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
> You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
> correct protective clothing.
> You will retire well before you are 65.
> You are unable to work double shifts.
> You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
> the
> assigned task.
> And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting
> the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> THE MANAGEMENT

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