Jokes Collected From Emails

Ah Beng was on a motorbike with Ah Lian after a durian shopping trip. Ah Lian was holding on to 2 big bags of durians when they rode over a hump, Ah Beng heard a loud bang. He asked Ah Lian: 'Lewlian wu kalau boh?(durians got dropped or not?).' Ah Lian shouted: 'boh kalau lah!' So Ah Beng continued with the journey. When they reached home, Ah Beng got down from his motobike and was shocked to see that Ah Lian was not wearing a helmet. He asked Ah Lian: 'Where is your helmet?' Ah Lian was very angry and replied: 'Just now I already told you 'boh kalau' (helmet drop)!'

Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610' ==================================== Ah Beng : I am a Proud dad, coz my son is in Medical College. Friend: Really, what is he studying. Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him. ========================================== Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. =========================================== Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister. ========================================= Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know?? Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. =========================================== A...

Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ? PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah ! Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ? PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right? Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped? PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah ! Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses ? PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh ?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn .......... Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love? PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not ? Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ? PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ......

> This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his > mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and > introduce to Ahbeng. > The 3 pretty girls name and occupation : > 1.) Ahuey - Telephonist > 2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher > 3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor > > Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of > > > chatting with the girls his mother asked him. > > Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ? > Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most > Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad > leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto > skool also easy > Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!! > Ahkew : Why dunwan? > Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! > I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE!" Like this very tiring > everynite I can die one ahmah! > Ah...

>Story 1 >Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh? >Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one. > >Story 2 >Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. >So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. >"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" >Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. >"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!" >Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!" >So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the >accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into >the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah >Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. >"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" ...

I NO COME WORK TODAY Hung Cheong calls the office and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I vely vely sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs ache, I no come work." The manager says, "You know something, Cheong, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better, and I go to work. Why won't you try that?" Two hours later Hung Cheong calls again. "I do what you say and I feel vely good. I come work vely quick. And Boss, You house vely nice."

Dear Ah Lian, Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find. You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly. You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye..... Worm regard, Ah Beng

> >Ah Beng went to take night courses with the reasoning in future can get > >promotion or better job. > > > >During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge. > > > >Ah Beng : Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months > >already, > >next week is the exam. > >Ah Seng : Oh... Good luck ah. > > > >Then Ah Beng started show off... > > > >Ah Beng : Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell? > >Ah Seng : Don't know > >Ah Beng : He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take > >night courses, you would know this. > >Ah Seng : ........................ *speechless* > > > > > > > >The next day, Ah Beng shows off again... > > > >Ah Beng : Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau? > >Ah Seng : Wash your toilet one ah? > >Ah Beng : No! He's the author of "Confessions...