Jokes Collected From Emails

A matter of priorities. An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a Divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, No more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But.... The decision is all yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the ...

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth. Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all. God: I am ashamed of you, my man, for that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves. Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me! God: My man, I am ashamed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW. Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out three times a week, and... God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire! Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they ...

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady! "You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me, the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want a divorce!" The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened" "Hummmmm, I don't know, well it'll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig you" The husband begins to tell his story . . . "While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afra...

He's 80, she's 20. It was the stir of the town when an 80-year old man married a 20-year old girl. After a year of marriage, she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You got to keep the old motor running." The following year, the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You're amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got the keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse then said, "Well, well, well! !! You certainly are quite a man!" He responded again, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse said, "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black."