Jokes Collected From Emails

A milkman who is dying in the hospital  is surrounded his two sons, daughter and his wife and nurse. Says to his eldest son: - To you, Shankar, I leave the Beverly houses. - To you, my dear daughter Pooja, I leave the apartments in the Los Angeles Plaza.   - To you, Akash,  being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Centeroffices. - And you, my dear wife Punam,  the three residential building towers in downtown. The nurse, impressed, tells his wife:  Madam, your husband is very rich. He is bequeathing many properties!  You all are so lucky!! And the wife retorts: Rich??? Lucky???  Are you kidding me!!!?? Those are his routes where he delivers milk !!!  

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? " "Is your daddy home?" he asked. " Yes , " whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered, " No . " Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes . " "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No . " Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" " Yes , " whispered the child, " a policeman . " Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" " No, he's busy , " whispered the child. "Busy doing what?...

>> >> >I'm sure you'll never ask your Mom or your Wife this question all >> >>>your life.... after you've read this mail: >> >>> >> >>> >> >>>A father came home and found his three children outside, still in >> >>>their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers >> >> >>>strewn all around the front yard. >> >>> >> >>>The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the >> >>>house and there was no sign of the dog. >> >>> >> >>>Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had >> >>>been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. >> >>> >> >>>In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the >> >>>family room was strewn with toys and various items...

First, we survived with mothers who had no maids. They cooked /cleaned while taking care of us at the same time. They took aspirin, candies floss,fizzy drinks, shaved ice with syrups and diabetes were rare. Salt added to Pepsi or Coke was remedy for fever. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention As children, we would ride with our parents on bicycles/ motorcycles for 2 or 3. Richer ones in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a private taxi was a special treat. We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle. We would spend hours on the fields under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV ray which never seem to affect us. We go to jungle to catch spiders without worries of Aedes mosquitoes. With mere 5 pebbles (stones) would be a endless game. With a ball (tennis ball best) we boys would ran like crazy for hours. We catch guppy in...

Mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you b*astards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you b*astards who are getting on, get you're a*ss in the train cause we're going down the tracks." The Mother walked into the room where her son was playing and said "we don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pl...

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a wor...

A Bihari hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The Bihari sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment,the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back. Fifty years later, his grandson, Laloo, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realized that all his hats were ta...

> > Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors > and > > lawyers and prospered. > > > > > > Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They > discussed > > the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away > in > > another city. > > > > > > The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." > > > > > > The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the > > house." > > > > > > The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." > > > > > > The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know > she > > can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher > who > > told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty > > preachers 12...

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew . "They won't let me fart."