Jokes Collected From Emails

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability-The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5.Law of the Alibi- If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6.Variation Law- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of ...

>> >6 EASY LESSONS >> > >> >Lesson 1 >> > >> >A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up >>her >> >shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself >>in a Towel >> >and runs downstairs. >> > >> >When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door >>neighbor. >> >Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop >>that towel." >> >After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands >>naked in >> >Front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. >> > >> >The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When >>she gets >> >to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob >>the next >> >door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, " >...

A man went to an underwear company for a job interview. The manager says, "If you can answer these 3 questions right, the job is yours! We pack our underwear in 7-packs, 5-packs and 12-packs. Why? The man thinks for a moment and replies: "The 7-packs are for Malaysian men: one for each day of the week. The 5-packs are for "Mat Salleh" men: one each for Monday to Friday, and they don't wear underwear on weekends. The 12-packs are for Bangla, Pakistani and Indon men: one each for January, February, March ....." He got the job...!!

A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it . When they opened the lid , they found a letter on top................ which read as follows :: Dear brothers and sisters, I am sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide the same among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Kala's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts.The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 ...

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb". Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. Coca-Cola was originally green . It is impossible to lick your elbow. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000 Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, ...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in Heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in, though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far, and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No worries, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in a lift and it went down-down-down to Hell. The doors opened and she found herself st...

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. ....................................................................... I was born intelligent - education ruined me. ....................................................................... Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... so why practice? ....................................................................... If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? ....................................................................... Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. ....................................................................... How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? ....................................................................... Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. ..........................................

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you,...