Jokes Collected From Emails

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bil...

If necessity is the mother of invention, then frustration is the father of masturbation! Always marry a woman with small palms. It makes your dick look bigger! Life without friends is like boobs without nipples... POINTLESS! The importance of UNITY explained at it's best: What did one leg of a woman tell the other: UNITED we are save, Divided we are fucked. Slogan on a boy's T-shirt: Please tell your boobs not to stare at my eyes. Fuck a girl & she'll love you... Love a girl & she'll fuck you! All those who proclaim that dog is man's best friend, have evidently not played with a pussy. The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet she's still got you by the balls

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability-The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5.Law of the Alibi- If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6.Variation Law- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of ...

HE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money. HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE : I must've been given your share. HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE : Your face must turn a few heads. SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE : Okay, get out. HE : I think I could make you very happy. SHE : Why? Are you leaving? HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me? SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. HE : Can I have your name? SHE : Why? Don't you already have one? HE : Shall we go see a movie? SHE : I've already seen it. HE : Wh...