Jokes Collected From Emails

A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton. Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest. Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it. Bill: more...more. ..more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet. Bill: So now, try to search something. Sardarji: I got a wire. Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India . Next year Bill was in India Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest. Sardarji : Dig it. Bill does. Sardarji : more...more. .m.?l. Bill goes up to almost 400 feet.. Sardarji : try to find something. Bill tries. Sardarji : Did you get anything? Bill : No, there is nothing here. Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!!

Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610' ==================================== Ah Beng : I am a Proud dad, coz my son is in Medical College. Friend: Really, what is he studying. Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him. ========================================== Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. =========================================== Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister. ========================================= Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know?? Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. =========================================== A...

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts . Again, she didn't know how to say breasts and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store... ( please scroll page down)... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. What were you thinking? HellOOOooooooOOOooo, her husband speaks English! Now get back to work........AHAHAHAHAHA?. -------------------------------

It is simple, short, concise, straight to the point, effective etc......... For example:- WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater in your size but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. Malaysians: No Stock. RETURNING A CALL Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago? Malaysians: Hello, who page? ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way? Malaysians: S-kew me WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me. Malaysians:No-need, lah. WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door? Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar? WHEN ENTERTAINING Britons: Please make yourself right at home. Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah! WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money. Malaysians: Where go...

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on their circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean, what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bott...

CLASSIC!!.... Inilah jadinya kalau tak belajar bahasa inggeris kat sekolah!!!! Hancus...F9 SPM....sekadar renungan bersama Tijah budak kampung, tapi bekerja di Kuala Lumpur. Biasalah bila sudah duduk "town", mula lupa asal usul. Pakaian seksi maut, bercinta pula dgn lelaki mat saleh. Ke hulu ke hilir menayang boyfriendnya yg bermata biru. Punyalah eksyen si Tijah, hinggalah suatu hari dia ternampak lelaki Inggeris tadi dgn wanita lain yg lebih cantik dan bergaya daripadanya. Tijah menangis tiga hari tiga malam. Pada malam ke empat, Tijah mengambil sehelai kertas dan menulis surat untuk memutuskan perhubungannya dgn lelaki mat saleh tadi yg baru sebulan dikenalinya. Begini bunyi surat yg ditulis oleh Tijah binti Kulup Kecil, yg berjaya "dicuri" ... *********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****************** ** Mike.... I WANT TO CUT CONNECTION US. I have think about this very cook-cook. I know I clap one hand only. Correctly, I have see...

This is so funny. Make sure you read it out loud so you'll get the full understanding. Have a good day. Chinglish ... not English You might like this. This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numbers. Wong Chan was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't kno...

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER Interviewer : What is your birth date? Muthu : 13th October Interviewer : Which year? Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR MUTHU & HIS MANAGER Manager asked to Muthu at an interview.... Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X MUTHU & LONDON TRIP After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner? Wife : No! Why? Muthu : In London , a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?".. that's why ... Wife : SHOCKED! MUTHU & TOURIST One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Muthu whether any great man born in this village or not .. and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here .. " MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT Muthu was doing experiment with cockroach. First he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and...