Jokes Collected From Emails

Do you know why New Changi Hospital (NCH) changed its name to Changi General Hospital (CGH)? Because NCH stands for 'Never Come Home. That's why business was very bad before it changed its name. Now CGH stands for 'Can Go Home'. So business is picking up. Business in Singapore General Hospital (SGH) is still going strong because SGH stands for 'Sure Go Home'! Now National University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a name change. It stands for 'No Use Hospital'! What about Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). Not too good a name, no wonder so much problem. It stands for ’Tiam Tiam Si Hospital' (Always Die or Die Quietly). So, be careful of choosing which hospital to go if anyone is unwell.

A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton. Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest. Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it. Bill: more...more. ..more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet. Bill: So now, try to search something. Sardarji: I got a wire. Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India . Next year Bill was in India Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest. Sardarji : Dig it. Bill does. Sardarji : more...more. .m.?l. Bill goes up to almost 400 feet.. Sardarji : try to find something. Bill tries. Sardarji : Did you get anything? Bill : No, there is nothing here. Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!!

Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ? PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah ! Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ? PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right? Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped? PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah ! Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses ? PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh ?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn .......... Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love? PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not ? Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ? PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ......

> > >1) Malaysian Jokes > > > > > >THE GENIE > > > > > >A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and a > > >magical genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two > > >wishes, > > >Macha.." > > > > > >The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a > > >Chinaman! > > >Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair > > >jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in >hand. > > >As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own > > >reflection. > > > > > >Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion. > > >The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained "Are you > > >deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become a...

Three Sardarjis went for a tour to Singapore . They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they started for a local visit. While leaving the hotel the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel before 10.00pm or other wise lift will not be available and they have to take the steps. They agreed and went out. After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30 . Since lift is not available they decided to take the stairways, under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that has to last for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much trouble. After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said," I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only". Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor. Then first sardarji asked what was the sa...

Well.....here is something to link the 5cs to the newer 5 bs ! I don't need a *CAR *, but I want a *BMW **?* I don't need a *CONDO *, but I want a *BUNGALOW **?* I don't need you to have *CASH * but I want you to own a *BANK **?* I don't need you to have a *CAREER * but I want you to be a *BOSS * It's interesting for you to read! Most of you would have heard of the Singapore * 5C's *! : * Car, Condo, Credit Card(Gold), Cash and Career * Heard of the *5B's *? * B - BMW ** ** B - Body ** ** B - Brain ** ** B - Billionaire ** ** B - Bungalow **?* And, and addition with the *5K's * ..................... * Kiasu (scared of losing) ** ** Kiasee (scared of dying) ** ** Kiabor (scared of wife) ** ** Kiaboh (scared of having nothing) ** ** Kiachenghu (scared of government) **?* We've been reading about the 5C's! and 5K's for Singaporeans, now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia's equivalent... Singapore's "practice" for Simple Living :...

>Story 1 >Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh? >Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one. > >Story 2 >Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. >So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. >"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" >Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. >"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!" >Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!" >So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the >accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into >the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah >Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. >"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" ...

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore > Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe > representative were of tertiary level education or higher was > because of the following incident which occurred not too many > years ago. > It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 > finalists, > Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 > simple questions: > > MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance > starting with "L" > Miss USA: Lamp > Miss Malaysia: Light bulb > Miss Singapore: LADIO > Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L" > > MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an > animal starting...