Jokes Collected From Emails

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? " "Is your daddy home?" he asked. " Yes , " whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered, " No . " Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes . " "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No . " Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" " Yes , " whispered the child, " a policeman . " Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" " No, he's busy , " whispered the child. "Busy doing what?...

Teacher: "Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?" Simon: "No, teacher, it's the same dog!" -------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Your hair is very untidy. Why did you not comb it before coming to school?" Boy: "No comb, Sir." Teacher: "Use your dad's then." Boy: "No hair, Sir." -------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Where were you born?" Student: "Singapore, Sir." Teacher: "Which part?" Student: "All of me, Sir ." -------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Chong, you missed school last Friday." Chong : "You're wrong, Sir." Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?" Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!" -------------------------------------------------- Father: "Your teacher says she finds ...

(1) Liar: A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why does u keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!" (2) Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. (3) Chinese Adam and Eve: If Adam and Eve were Chinese, they would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake! (4) Cyber Child > >"Daddy? How did I come into this world? ""Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way. " " So why not today? Please! ""OK, but listen carefully. Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber café. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Sin...

First, we survived with mothers who had no maids. They cooked /cleaned while taking care of us at the same time. They took aspirin, candies floss,fizzy drinks, shaved ice with syrups and diabetes were rare. Salt added to Pepsi or Coke was remedy for fever. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention As children, we would ride with our parents on bicycles/ motorcycles for 2 or 3. Richer ones in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a private taxi was a special treat. We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle. We would spend hours on the fields under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV ray which never seem to affect us. We go to jungle to catch spiders without worries of Aedes mosquitoes. With mere 5 pebbles (stones) would be a endless game. With a ball (tennis ball best) we boys would ran like crazy for hours. We catch guppy in...

Mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you b*astards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you b*astards who are getting on, get you're a*ss in the train cause we're going down the tracks." The Mother walked into the room where her son was playing and said "we don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pl...

> A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but > discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use > his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was > on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her > that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he > tried reaching dad on the mobile. > > She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon > seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, > and she slapped him again, for good measure. > > People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the > cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody > what the lady said to him when he called. > > Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at > present. Please Try Again Later"...

> Hello?" > > "Hi honey, this is Daddy...is your Mummy near the > > phone?" > > "No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle > > Frank," > > After a brief pause Daddy says, > > "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" > > "Oh Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with > > Mummy, right now!" > > > > > "Uh Okay then......here's what I want you do. Put > > down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door > and shout to > > Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside >the house." > > "Okay Daddy!" > > A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the > > phone. > > Well I did what you said, Daddy." > > "And what happened?" he asks. > > > > > "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with > > no clothes...

A first-grade teacher, Ms Anna (Age 22) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked the boy, 'what is your problem?' The boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!' Ms Anna had enough. She took the boy to the principal's office. While the boy waited at the reception of the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Anna he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Boy: '9'. Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Boy: '36'. So it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Anna and tells her, 'I think...