Jokes Collected From Emails

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? " "Is your daddy home?" he asked. " Yes , " whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered, " No . " Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes . " "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No . " Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" " Yes , " whispered the child, " a policeman . " Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" " No, he's busy , " whispered the child. "Busy doing what?...

Teacher: "Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?" Simon: "No, teacher, it's the same dog!" -------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Your hair is very untidy. Why did you not comb it before coming to school?" Boy: "No comb, Sir." Teacher: "Use your dad's then." Boy: "No hair, Sir." -------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Where were you born?" Student: "Singapore, Sir." Teacher: "Which part?" Student: "All of me, Sir ." -------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Chong, you missed school last Friday." Chong : "You're wrong, Sir." Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?" Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!" -------------------------------------------------- Father: "Your teacher says she finds ...

(1) Liar: A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why does u keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!" (2) Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. (3) Chinese Adam and Eve: If Adam and Eve were Chinese, they would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake! (4) Cyber Child > >"Daddy? How did I come into this world? ""Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way. " " So why not today? Please! ""OK, but listen carefully. Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber café. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Sin...

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew . "They won't let me fart."

> Hello?" > > "Hi honey, this is Daddy...is your Mummy near the > > phone?" > > "No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle > > Frank," > > After a brief pause Daddy says, > > "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" > > "Oh Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with > > Mummy, right now!" > > > > > "Uh Okay then......here's what I want you do. Put > > down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door > and shout to > > Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside >the house." > > "Okay Daddy!" > > A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the > > phone. > > Well I did what you said, Daddy." > > "And what happened?" he asks. > > > > > "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with > > no clothes...

> > > > Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about > what > had happened in the past. > > Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history. > > Teacher: Why? > > Student: There is no future in it. > > ................................................................. > > > > Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how > much > would your father still have? > > Ted: $10. > > Teacher: You don't know maths. > > Ted: You don't know my father! > > > ...................................................................... > > > > Mother: David, come here. > > David: Yes, mum? > > Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse. > > David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow. > > Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am > scolding you now. > > ...