Jokes Collected From Emails

A Chinese man decides to retire and move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai . He bought a small piece of land near Mt Isa. A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day. The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, ...pause...., and then put his head next to the bull's bum. The Aus...

Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610' ==================================== Ah Beng : I am a Proud dad, coz my son is in Medical College. Friend: Really, what is he studying. Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him. ========================================== Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. =========================================== Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister. ========================================= Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know?? Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. =========================================== A...

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? ( anyone) Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this? Caller: I'm Sam Wan( someone ). And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I'm Saw Lee. ( sorry ) Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

An ang moh(Foreigner) touring Hong Kong had been told by his friends back home that one could get really good bargains on cloths but that one would have to be careful. This gentleman went bargain-hunting and chanced upon a well-established shop. When he found a branded shirt that cost half the price of what was being sold back home, he rubbed his hands in glee. Having been warned of cheap shirts, he began to scrutinise the shirt carefully and smiled when he saw a label that was sewn on the shirt. It read " Guarantee No Shrink ". Convinced that he had indeed found a great bargain, he went ahead and bought half a dozen shirts. Back at the hotel, he took out the shirts and sent them to the laundry. He was eager to put them on and see some envious faces in his tour group. When the shirts returned from the hotel laundry, he was shock that all of them had shrunk by at least three sizes ! He looked at the label again ...

An American, Japanese and Chinese guy went for a hike one day. > >It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. > >When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and >jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. >Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying >their "freedom." >As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town >appeared. >Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese >quickly used their hands to cover their privates. >But the Chinese covered his face while they ran for cover. >After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on. >The American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face >rather than his private part. >The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the >face that people recognize."

Damn funny, and true .. 1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping(and especially those ribbons). 2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out. 3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. 4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage. 5. You hate to waste food a ) Even if you're totally full,if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table,you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a lecture about starving kids in /Africa) b ) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing. 6. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars. 7. You have a collection of minature shampoo bottles that you take every time you st...

This is so funny. Make sure you read it out loud so you'll get the full understanding. Have a good day. Chinglish ... not English You might like this. This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numbers. Wong Chan was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't kno...