Marriage Affairs - Old Jokes, Same Impact!

>>The 1st Affair:
>>
>>A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>>One day they went her place and made love all
>>afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take
>>his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>>He put on his shoes and drove home.
>>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
>>secretary.
>>We had sex all afternoon."
>>"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
>>
>>
>>The 2nd Affair:
>>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
>>always talked about
>>having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they
>>always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby
>>boy.The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his
>>new son.He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
>>seen.He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the
>>father of this baby. Look atthe two beautiful daughters I fathered!
>>Have
>>you
>>been fooling around behindmy back?"
>>The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
>>

>>The 3rd Affair:
>>A mortician was working late one night.
>>He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be
>>cremated, and made a
>>startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest
>>private part he had ever seen!
>>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
>>"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private
>>part.
>>It
>>must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into
>>his
>>briefcase,
>>and took it home."I have to show you something you won't believe,"
>>he
>>said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
>>"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?
>>

>>The 4th Affair:
>>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard husband opening
>>the
>>front door."Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>>She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him
>>with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said.
>>"Pretend
>>you're a statue.""What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered
>>the
>>room.
>>"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I
>>liked it
>>so
>>much I got one for us, too."
>>No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>>Around 2 AMthe husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
>>with a
>>sandwich and a beer."Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I
>>stood
>>like that for two days at
>>the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>>
>>
>>The 5th Affair:
>>A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>>"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man thought.
>>He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak
>>and a
>>bottle of wine?""A nickel," the barman replied.
>>A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who
>>owns this place?"The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>>The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>>The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business
>>down
>>here."
>>
>>
>>The 6th Affair:
>>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>>He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
>>"There's no need to," his wife replied."No," he insisted, "I want
>>to die
>>in
>>peace. I slept
>>with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your
>>mother!"
>>"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison
>>work."

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